I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
