Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
