I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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