I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
