Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just high enough for therapy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
