How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Michael Bay diarrhea
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
