Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
