I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
