I faked an abortion last night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
