he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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