I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
