wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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