if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
