Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
