Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
