my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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