you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
