watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
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