yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
