All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
