butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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