i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
