so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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