Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
