i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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