He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
