Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
