So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
