My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
