My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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