I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
