Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize