Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
