you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
