I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize