Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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