I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
