i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
