Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
