i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
