eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
