if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
