Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My room smells like vodka and shame
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
