Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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