what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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