I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize