I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
