Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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