I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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