if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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