Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
