Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize