so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
