I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
