So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
