my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
