I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
