it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
