Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
