I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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