he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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