i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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