would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
