If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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